Conversations

Groovy Grandmas and Gregarious Grandpas

Part 1

Written by: Aneta Eichler

 

“Every time a child is born, a grandparent is born too”

 

                On January 17, 2014 I achieved the most esteemed position in all the land….I became a grandma!  Grandparenting can be a very rewarding experience.  However, I must warn you that becoming a grandparent makes one a new person.  When you become a grandparent your identity, roles and relationships will change.  Your relationship with your child will make dramatic changes as he/she begins their new role as parent and you begin the role of support staff.  So how can we be a groovy grandma or gregarious grandpa and still honor our relationship with the parents?

            First, you must realize that parents are the fulcrums of grandparent’s relationship with grandchildren.  It is imperative to build a strong relationship with the parents, especially the son/daughter-in-law.  Grandparents should respect the right of new parents to make their own mistakes without being too critical or judgmental.   Make a conscientious effort to being kind, understanding, compassionate, non-judgmental, supportive, loving and caring.   

            Second, demonstrating good communication skills can be the strength of your new found role.  As the patriarch of the family you have the opportunity to offer leadership concerning the family as a “team” and setting a positive example.  Holding regular family meetings gives you the opportunity to assess family members’ needs, offer support where requested and help them develop coping skills. Be sure to respect their requests on issues pertaining to the grandchildren (o.k. a little spoiling might be necessary for their survival, but in all things important, be sure to respect the parent’s wishes).

            Third, as a grandparent, you will want to realign your priorities and obligations.  Enjoying those grandchildren will require a time commitment that may have previously been spent on hobbies, work or community involvement.  However, your child will be thankful for an occasional break and you will be blessed by spending time with those precious grandchildren.  Be sure to communicate your availability to the parents and ask them to respect your time as well. 

            Fourth, remember that your children are still your children.  They still need you as their parent.  I recommend spending individual time with your child, without the grandchild.  Talk to them about their work, their hobbies and interests.  Let them know you still care for them.  Being a parent can become overwhelming at times.  Try to put yourself in their shoes to understand their experiences. Use this alone time as an opportunity to encourage them and give them loving guidance (when requested).     

            In this article we have looked at some tips for building a strong relationship between parents and grandparents.  In part 2 we will look at building strong relationships with your grandchildren.  For more information on grandparenting contact the Extension office at 423-949-2611 or visit our website at http://sequatchie.tennessee.edu or like us on Facebook www.facebook.com/UTExtension.Sequatchie.