Fighting Fair

When fighting, we portray one of three different personality traits.  Some of us fight with aggression.  We are yellers, stompers, slammers and all out fit throwers. (You know who you are.)  Others fight by being passive.  We retreat into our shell like a wounded turtle.  We might not speak for days and withhold affection or acknowledgment to the one that has angered us. (Be honest and admit it.)  There is a better way to resolve conflict, Assertiveness.  When we use one simple communication tool, our conflicts can become areas of healthy discussions and problem solving sessions instead of battle fields where everyone loses.

An I message is a simple three-part statement that informs others (a) how you feel, (b) what event or what action bothers you, and (c) what you would like to have happen differently.  The first benefit of an I message is its ability to neutralize an argument. An I message does not blame the other person and does not sound judgmental.  For example: Instead of saying, “you make me so angry,” you might say, “I feel angry when…”.  You messages usually make the listener feel attacked and angry.  The response is likely to be negative and lead to an argument.  On the other hand, a simple I statement may result in a more helpful, cooperative response for solving the problem.

I messages also give the passive and/or the aggressive personality trait a healthy voice on which to be heard. The second part of the I message allows the sender to calmly voice what situation is making them uncomfortable.  For example: You might be angry when your spouse is habitually late to dinner.  You might say, “I feel disrespected when I prepare a meal for our family and you arrive home late.”  This allows the receiver to actually hear the problem being stated without engaging in a shouting match or experiencing the silent treatment. 

The third part of the I message opens up the door for healthy problem solving.  Once the feelings and the cause have been identified, the sender may now make a recommendation for what would make the situation better.  For example: You might say, “I would appreciate you calling home by 4:00 when you know you are going to be late.” This suggestion allows the receiver to respond with agreement or to make other suggestions that might work for both parties.

It takes some time for I messages to feel natural in conversation.  Think about what you want to say before you deliver the message.  Use the formula for an I message to help you express what you want to say. You might even want to write your message down to make sure it says what you feel and what you want without accusing the other person.  Remember the formula:

I feel (insert feeling word or phrase) when (say what happens that makes you feel that way).  I would like (tell what you would like to have happen in the future).

If you would like more information on healthy communication skills, contact the Extension office at 423-949-2611 or visit our website  or like us on Facebook.   

 

Little Bites.....BIG Calories

Over the Holidays I’m sure we all ate extra bites!  These extra bites can total up to Big Calories! Now the holiday season is behind us and it’s time to keep that New Year’s Resolution to lose 10 pounds.  An easy way to accomplish this is to become aware of those extra bites we consume in our day. Did you know that by adding a little extra mayo on your turkey sandwich you will add 100 calories to your diet?  It’s snowing outside and you’re curled up in your favorite chair reading a book and munching on the last bit of potato chips left in the bag, that’s 75 extra calories. You are a savvy shopper and always go for the bargain – super-sizing is definitely the better deal, right? Only if you are counting pennies and not calories.  That super-size will cost you an additional 190 calories. Drinking coffee to help through the mornings?  Those two teaspoons of sugar in your coffee will be 32 extra calories. Watch your serving sizes when dining out or enjoying an evening with friends. The UT Extension office and Expanded Food and Nutrition Education Program (EFNEP) want to encourage you to eat healthy and lean in 2014.

The Expanded Food and Nutrition Program provides hands-on nutrition education through a series of meetings.  In some cases a group might meet for an hour, once a week, for six weeks.  The time can be flexible.  If you are eligible for any assistance program such as WIC, Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program (SNAP) or Head Start, you are eligible for EFNEP. Participants will receive a multiple recipes, kitchen utensils and a graduation certificate from the University of Tennessee, Institute of Agriculture. For more information on our County EFNEP program please call Karen Marshall, Community Nutrition Educator at 423-949-2611.
If you would like more information on this and other Extension programs please visit us at our facebook or Website

The Month After Christmas…

‘Twas the month after Christmas,

And all through the house

Nothing would fit me, not even a blouse.

The cookies I’d nibbled, the eggnog I’d taste

At the holiday parties had gone to my waist.

When I got on the scales there arose such a number!

When I walked to the store

(less a walk than a lumber).

I’d remember the marvelous meals I’d prepared;

The gravies and sauces and beef nicely rared,

The wine and the rum balls, the bread and the cheese

And the way I’d never said, "No thank you, please."

As I dressed myself in my husband’s old shirt

And prepared once again to do battle with dirt—-

I said to myself, as I only can

"You can’t spend a winter disguised as a man!"

So—away with the last of the sour cream dip,

Get rid of the fruit cake, every cracker and chip

Every last bit of food that I like must be banished

Till all the additional ounces have vanished.

I won’t have a cookie— not even a lick.

I’ll want only to chew on a long celery stick.

I won’t have hot biscuits, or corn bread, or pie,

I’ll munch on a carrot and quietly cry.

I’m hungry, I’m lonesome, and life is a bore—

But isn’t that what January is for?

Unable to giggle, no longer a riot.

Happy New Year to all and to all a good diet!