Encouraging our Children to Succeed

Think about a time that you received encouragement from someone else.  How did it make you feel?  Did the task seem easier to accomplish after you received encouragement?  Our children are faced with new learning experiences every day.  You can help make their day less stressful through providing encouragement.  Giving your children encouragement can help them to be excited about school and to develop positive attitudes about learning.  Some of those positive attitudes include:

·         Self-confidence: I can do it.

·         Curiosity: How? Why?

·         Self-starting: Let’s try it this way.

·         Goals: I will finish this tonight.

·         Persistence: Keeps on going, even when things are difficult.

As parents, you can help your children develop this positive attitude by doing the following:

·         Give them opportunities to feel successful.

·         Praise them.

·         Answer their questions.

·         Show them how to do things.

·         Help them break big jobs down into small jobs.

·         Give them time to try on their own.  Don’t do the work for them.

·         Help them when asked.

·         Talk with them rather than at them (Say, “What do you think might work?” instead of Here is how you do this.”)

·         Help them to practice the skills they have learned through activities and play.

Developing a positive learning attitude is the first step to building life -long learners.  However, there is still one REALLY BIG hurdle to cross….what about homework! Ugh!  How can you encourage your child to complete their homework assignments each night?  A few suggestions are:

·         Set a regular time for doing homework.

·         Have a central place where supplies for schoolwork can be found (scissors, glue, pencils, pens, paper, reference books, etc.).

·         Check the child’s homework when it is finished.

·         Be available to help with homework if needed.

·         Go over their assignments and help them to decide what is most important and in what order they should do their work.

·         During homework time, turn off the TV or other things that might make it hard to concentrate (however, some children learn best when other things are happening, such as having the radio on)

·         “Study” at the same time that your children are studying.  For example, parents could read the newspaper or a book, or do homework from classes they are taking.

·         Let children take a homework break.  A few minutes doing something else can help to clear the mind and make studying easier.

·         Let them have a snack if children come home from school hungry, or relax or play outside for a few minutes before they begin their homework.  Often children feel “brain dead” after a day of school and need some time to relax or play before they begin doing homework.

·         Give children a treat such as going for ice cream, having a family game night, or renting a movie on Friday if homework was completed on time all week.

·         Help children to put their homework where they can find it to turn it in the next day at school.

 Tips to Help Students Gain Academic Success

Source: Popkin, M. H., Youngs, B. B. & Healy, J. M., (1985).  Parent Involvement: Tips for Helping Your Child Succeed in School. Active Parenting Publishers.

Involved Parents = Successful Students

It’s back to school time in Tennessee!  I can remember the early morning alarm clock, the moans and groans coming from the bedroom, the mad rush to pack lunches and get everyone out the door on time and….the return trips for forgotten items. Does this sound like your home?  As parents, we play many important roles in our child’s life.  One of the most important roles is supporting their educational endeavors.  Research shows that schools are stronger and produce better programs when parents are involved.  The research also suggests that students display better attitudes towards learning and earn better grades when their parents are engaged in the learning process.  You demonstrate the importance of education when you show an interest in your child’s school experience.  This support can be shown physically, socially, emotionally, and mentally.

Physical support includes:

·        Ensuring your child receives adequate sleep in order to fully engage in their studies.  Plan your days so that your child can have 9 – 11 hours of rest every evening. 

·        Making sure your child gets up early enough to eat breakfast from home or arrives early enough to eat breakfast at school.  Breakfast is the most important meal of the day to energize their brains and their bodies!

·        Dressing your child appropriately for the weather.  It is best to dress your child in layers so they can add or remove clothing to remain comfortable in different climates.  Be sure to check with your child’s school dress code and follow their recommendations.

Social support includes:

·        Teaching your child how to get along with others.  Help them to understand that they will not always get their way and show them how to treat others with respect.  Modeling these behaviors is the best teacher of all.

·        Preparing your child for those that are different.  Again, modeling respect of all people that look, act or talk different from them.  Help them to celebrate the unique qualities each person adds to the classroom.

Emotional support includes:

·        Providing security for your child at home.  Each child has the right to feel safe in their own home.  This can be accomplished by

o   Avoiding fights in front of the children.

o   Identifying a trusted adult the child can call for support

o   Planning appropriate childcare.

·        Supporting your child.  Be sure to encourage your child’s positive behaviors and efforts.  Too much criticism can damage your child’s self-worth and confidence.

·        Empathizing with your child.  Be sensitive to your child’s feelings.  Validate their feelings and never belittle or tease them.

·        Loving your child unconditionally.  Make sure they know that they are always loved, even when you don’t approve of their behaviors.

Mental support includes:

·        Making sure your child has all the supplies/needs for school each day such as books, homework, pencils, paper, etc.

·        Asking what they are studying at school.  Look over work, read through their notebook and provide further studies on a topic that interests your child.

·        Discussing your child’s homework, tests and report cards.

·        Locating dates and times of special exams such as ACT, SAT, TCAP and End of Course Exams.  Help them prepare and make sure they are well rested.

When parents are involved in school, they can understand what their children are learning and doing in school, understand what the teachers expect from the students, get to know their children's teachers and principals, and get to know their children's friends and parents. Below are some suggestions you can do to be involved?

·         Eat lunch at school with your children.

·         Attend programs and sports events in which your child is involved.

·         Visit your children's classrooms.

·         Bake goodies and take to the teacher’s lounge.

·         Participate in parent-teacher meetings.

·         Attend open houses.

·         Participate in special workshops.

·         Help with fund-raising.

·         Write notes to the teacher about things that concern or please you.

·         Ask the teacher how you can help your child at home.

·         Ask about school rules and help your child to follow those rules.

·         Volunteer in the classroom.

·         Volunteer for special events.

·         Become a member of the PTA or PTO.

·         Review your child‘s homework each day.

·         Take care of children for others who can volunteer at the school.

·         Help chaperon field trips.

·         Ask others such as retired friends or grandparents to volunteer.

·         Share your special talents (such as teaching a craft or working with computers).

·         Recognize your children when they do well.

 

Back to School Tips

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Source: Dean, C. (1996). Becoming part of your child _s school. Cornell Cooperative Extension

4-H Parents Make a Difference

It's September and that means 4-H clubs begin again!  I love spending time with our youth and watching them mature into tomorrow's leaders! The parent/caring adult of a 4-H member plays a major role in the support network of the Tennessee 4-H Youth Development Program.  Parental support is especially important in the development of youth.  If parent/caring adults are involved right from the beginning, chances are higher for a successful 4-H experience.  By involving yourself in 4-H youth activities, you create a sense of belonging for your child and all children involved.

 

You Can Make A Difference By Doing The Following:

ü  Show interest in what youth are doing.

ü  Provide materials and equipment your children may need.

ü  Make sure your child attends the 4-H club meetings.

ü  Be familiar with the 4-H members’ responsibilities.

ü  Support 4-H leaders. Get to know them, and let them know you appreciate their efforts.

ü  Encourage your children to complete their projects.  Let children do their own work; work side by side with your child; don’t do their project for them.  Let them experience success and set-backs.

ü  Support your child to complete any 4-H responsibility he or she may have been elected or selected to do.  Also, help youth follow through with tasks they volunteer for.

ü  Remember…the objective of 4-H is to build youth into responsible citizens.  The way they do their work – complete projects, conduct meetings, participate in competitive events, etc. - will develop life skills and help set work and character patterns for the rest of their lives.

ü  Encourage youth not to over commit themselves to too many activities.  Over commitment does not allow them to complete tasks effectively and often leads to frustration.

ü  Support other children in the club as you will your own children.  Give praise for a job well done and encourage them when difficulties arise.  This helps form trusting relationships and a sense of community within the club.

ü  Make 4-H a “family affair.” Get the entire family involved in 4-H activities and events – wither as spectators, participants or volunteers.

ü  Read all 4-H mailings.

ü  Become aware of opportunities through 4-H that may affect not only your child, but also others in the club and your community as well.

ü  Be 4-H’s best advertisement by knowing about the program.

ü  Be a positive role model in all areas especially sportsmanship and ethics.

ü  Assist in strengthening the educational quality of club activities.

ü  Promote the basic 4-H philosophy – our product is youth and our projects are the means by which we develop our product.

ü  Follow specific requirements that a club, organization or county group may require.

ü  Follow the 4-H guidelines and policies of the University of Tennessee Extension and the 4-H Youth Development Program.

Caring for the Caregiver: Psychological Needs

Written by Aneta Eichler, University of Tennessee Extension Agent, Sequatchie County

Becoming a caregiver can be very rewarding.  You may feel that you are giving back to someone who has given so much for you or you might feel that you are making up for past mistakes.  However, caring for a loved one that is no longer able to care for themselves can trigger many psychological issues for the caregiver.  The caregiver may have overwhelming feelings of guilt, resentment, fear or expectations.

Guilt is a common feeling related to caregiving.  You may wonder if you are doing enough or second guess a choice made on behalf of your loved one.  Evaluate your efforts to serve your loved one.  If you are trying hard to meet their needs, you do not need to feel guilty when things hinder that effort.  One way to off-set this concern is to have a back-up plan in place.  Consider all the ways you serve your loved one, set down with other family members or friends and ask them to be your back-up in case something would hinder you from following through with your responsibilities.  For example, you may be responsible for preparing meals for your loved one.  You may want to talk with a trusted neighbor and sign them up as back up.  Then if a bad storm hits or you fall ill, help is simply a phone call away.  I would suggest keeping this list in a prominent place for other members of the family to locate if needed.

We may develop feelings of resentment when our loved ones are taking up so much of our time.  These feelings may create guilt which puts into motion a vicious cycle of resentment and guilt.  If your feelings of resentment are prevalent, admit that you need a little time to rejuvenate yourself and send out the S.O.S. code to your friends and family members.  Do not feel guilty when you need a little R & R, it is completely natural and normal to need this time.  Your Area Agency on Aging may be able to help provide needed resources for you and your family.

Fear and sadness are other feelings you may experience.  Your parent or spouse is physically or mentally deteriorating.  They may now require assistance for things they gave you in the past.  The roles are reversing.  A fear of the unknown with your loved one’s approaching dying and death process, coming to terms with your own mortality and spirituality, and comforting your loved one may cause an element of fear and sadness.  The sadness may be coming from the times you will not have together in the future or that you wasted in the past.

Sometimes our expectations create dissatisfaction.  As we near retirement, we may make plans to travel or pursue a new hobby.  Instead, we are faced with the reality that we are tied down with the responsibility of caregiving.  This is a good time to remind yourself that caregiving is allowing you a chance to bond closer with your loved one.  Research shows that we feel more satisfaction when we are serving and caring for others.  However, this does not mean that you should not continue with your plans to travel or learn a new skill.  In order to meet your own expectations you may need to hire someone to care for the person for several weeks while you travel or a few hours a week while you work on hobbies. Remember to spend some time and money on yourself to avoid feeling suffocated with too many responsibilities. 

During this difficult time, remember to CELEBRATE LIFE!  Encourage your loved one to participate in your celebration of the little things like a beautiful sunset, the change of seasons, a bird’s song, the sweet smell of lilacs, the laughter of a child, or the succulent taste of fresh bread.  Enjoy a memory shared together by looking at some old photographs or reminiscing over funny stories of old.  Laughter can lift our moods and heal our broken spirits so remember to laugh often!

What are some of the feelings you experience?

Information taken from: DeBois, M & Bosch, K (2006). Who cares for the caregiver. Nebraska Lincoln       Extension. Publication HEF569

 

Be Silent No More

By: Heather Wallace, Assistant Professor and Human Development Specialist, University of Tennessee Extension 

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Losing someone special to death, no matter the circumstance, is never easy. Hearing about the passing of a beloved public figure like actor and comedian, Robin Williams can be equally tough, especially when the cause is preventable, says Heather Wallace, assistant professor and a human development specialist with University of Tennessee Extension.

According to the Tennessee Department of Mental Health and Substance Abuse Services, an estimated 850 people die by suicide in Tennessee every year. It’s the third leading cause of death among youth and young adults in the state and across the nation. “While deeply saddening, hearing about a person’s apparent self-inflicted death provides parents and families opportunities to have open conversations about difficult topics like death and suicide.” Wallace adds that conversations will vary depending on beliefs, culture and children’s ages.

Matt Devereaux, professor and a child development specialist with UT Extension Family and Consumer Sciences, says children in elementary school or younger should be guarded from exposure to media coverage focused on the cause of Robin Williams’ death. However, if they ask questions about suicide and death, Devereaux says that honesty is the best policy. “The important thing when speaking with young children is short and simple responses to their questions,” Devereaux said.  He also noted that children should be ensured that they always have a safe person to talk to should they ever have such thoughts or feel sad in a way that is different than just stubbing your toe.”

Devereaux adds that parents and caregivers should seize this opportunity to talk open and honestly with youth who are middle- and high-school age about the signs and symptoms of depression and suicidal thoughts. “You will not cause a person to become suicidal just by talking about it,” he said. “Communicate clearly that you are a safe person that he or she can always reach out to for non-judgmental and honest conversations about mental health.”

Here are some of the signs and symptoms of suicidal thoughts and planning, along with resources to guide conversations, and where to turn for help.

Signs of Suicidal Thoughts and Plans

(From the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration and the non-profit organization Helpguide.org)

● Looking for a way to kill oneself, like searching online or buying items to assist suicide.
● Preoccupation with death.
● Talking about (any of these):
   - Wanting to die or to kill oneself,
   - Feeling hopeless or no reason to live,
   - Feeling trapped or in unbearable pain,
   - Wanting to sleep and not wake up,
   - Being a burden to others.
● Increasing the use of alcohol or drugs.
● Acting anxious/agitated; being reckless.
● Sleeping too little or too much.
● Withdrawing or feeling isolated.
● Showing rage or talking about revenge.
● Displaying extreme mood swings.
● Sudden sense of calm and happiness after being extremely depressed.
● Giving away personal items for no apparent reason.

Need Help Now?

● The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline- 1-800-273-TALK1-800-273-TALK (8255) - a free, 24-hour hotline available to anyone in suicidal crisis or emotional distress.

● Tennessee-specific - 1-855-CRISIS-11-855-CRISIS-1 (1-855-274-74711-855-274-7471) or chat online (2 p.m. - 2 a.m. Eastern time)

If you’re with someone in need of help, experts recommend you take these steps:
● Stay with that person until he or she has the help they need.
● Ask to call a help lifeline for him or her.
● Persuade the person that he or she needs professional help. Take that person to the hospital if needed.

More Information is available from the the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration website. Evidence-based suicide prevention training for professionals is available from the QPR Institute.

The UT Institute of Agriculture provides instruction, research and public service through the UT College of Agricultural Sciences and Natural Resources, the UT College of Veterinary Medicine, UT AgResearch, including its system of 10 research and education centers, and UT Extension offices in every county in the state.

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Contact:

Heather Wallace, assistant professor and human development specialist, UT Extension, 865-974-7193865-974-7193, heather.wallace@utk.edu