4-H Parents Make a Difference

It's September and that means 4-H clubs begin again!  I love spending time with our youth and watching them mature into tomorrow's leaders! The parent/caring adult of a 4-H member plays a major role in the support network of the Tennessee 4-H Youth Development Program.  Parental support is especially important in the development of youth.  If parent/caring adults are involved right from the beginning, chances are higher for a successful 4-H experience.  By involving yourself in 4-H youth activities, you create a sense of belonging for your child and all children involved.

 

You Can Make A Difference By Doing The Following:

ü  Show interest in what youth are doing.

ü  Provide materials and equipment your children may need.

ü  Make sure your child attends the 4-H club meetings.

ü  Be familiar with the 4-H members’ responsibilities.

ü  Support 4-H leaders. Get to know them, and let them know you appreciate their efforts.

ü  Encourage your children to complete their projects.  Let children do their own work; work side by side with your child; don’t do their project for them.  Let them experience success and set-backs.

ü  Support your child to complete any 4-H responsibility he or she may have been elected or selected to do.  Also, help youth follow through with tasks they volunteer for.

ü  Remember…the objective of 4-H is to build youth into responsible citizens.  The way they do their work – complete projects, conduct meetings, participate in competitive events, etc. - will develop life skills and help set work and character patterns for the rest of their lives.

ü  Encourage youth not to over commit themselves to too many activities.  Over commitment does not allow them to complete tasks effectively and often leads to frustration.

ü  Support other children in the club as you will your own children.  Give praise for a job well done and encourage them when difficulties arise.  This helps form trusting relationships and a sense of community within the club.

ü  Make 4-H a “family affair.” Get the entire family involved in 4-H activities and events – wither as spectators, participants or volunteers.

ü  Read all 4-H mailings.

ü  Become aware of opportunities through 4-H that may affect not only your child, but also others in the club and your community as well.

ü  Be 4-H’s best advertisement by knowing about the program.

ü  Be a positive role model in all areas especially sportsmanship and ethics.

ü  Assist in strengthening the educational quality of club activities.

ü  Promote the basic 4-H philosophy – our product is youth and our projects are the means by which we develop our product.

ü  Follow specific requirements that a club, organization or county group may require.

ü  Follow the 4-H guidelines and policies of the University of Tennessee Extension and the 4-H Youth Development Program.

Fighting Fair

When fighting, we portray one of three different personality traits.  Some of us fight with aggression.  We are yellers, stompers, slammers and all out fit throwers. (You know who you are.)  Others fight by being passive.  We retreat into our shell like a wounded turtle.  We might not speak for days and withhold affection or acknowledgment to the one that has angered us. (Be honest and admit it.)  There is a better way to resolve conflict, Assertiveness.  When we use one simple communication tool, our conflicts can become areas of healthy discussions and problem solving sessions instead of battle fields where everyone loses.

An I message is a simple three-part statement that informs others (a) how you feel, (b) what event or what action bothers you, and (c) what you would like to have happen differently.  The first benefit of an I message is its ability to neutralize an argument. An I message does not blame the other person and does not sound judgmental.  For example: Instead of saying, “you make me so angry,” you might say, “I feel angry when…”.  You messages usually make the listener feel attacked and angry.  The response is likely to be negative and lead to an argument.  On the other hand, a simple I statement may result in a more helpful, cooperative response for solving the problem.

I messages also give the passive and/or the aggressive personality trait a healthy voice on which to be heard. The second part of the I message allows the sender to calmly voice what situation is making them uncomfortable.  For example: You might be angry when your spouse is habitually late to dinner.  You might say, “I feel disrespected when I prepare a meal for our family and you arrive home late.”  This allows the receiver to actually hear the problem being stated without engaging in a shouting match or experiencing the silent treatment. 

The third part of the I message opens up the door for healthy problem solving.  Once the feelings and the cause have been identified, the sender may now make a recommendation for what would make the situation better.  For example: You might say, “I would appreciate you calling home by 4:00 when you know you are going to be late.” This suggestion allows the receiver to respond with agreement or to make other suggestions that might work for both parties.

It takes some time for I messages to feel natural in conversation.  Think about what you want to say before you deliver the message.  Use the formula for an I message to help you express what you want to say. You might even want to write your message down to make sure it says what you feel and what you want without accusing the other person.  Remember the formula:

I feel (insert feeling word or phrase) when (say what happens that makes you feel that way).  I would like (tell what you would like to have happen in the future).

If you would like more information on healthy communication skills, contact the Extension office at 423-949-2611 or visit our website  or like us on Facebook.   

 

Are You Listening?

Are You Listening?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=airT-m9LcoY

Many of you may remember the Abbot and Costello routine “Who’s On First”.  How many of you have ever felt that your conversations fell into this comedic routine?  This is a fine example of how we often miscommunicate with one another.  We send from 300 to 1000 messages each day.  Is it any wonder that sometimes things get mixed up along the way?  With every message there is a sender and receiver.  Both the sender and receiver can develop skills that make communication effective and reduce conflict and misunderstanding.  

 Active listening is the responsibility of the receiver.  This is a tool to make sure that the receiver understands what the sender is saying.  In order to be an active listener one must listen to the words being said, watch the body language of the sender, hear the tone of voice used, and interpret what was said based on all of those clues.  Once the receiver has interpreted this information, it is their job to reflect back to the sender what they understood to be the message.  (Didn’t know listening was such hard work did you?) Here are some tips to make your job more successful:

·         Give your full attention to the person speaking.  Get rid of distractions (cell phone, radio, tv).

·         Focus on the speaker’s message by listening for the main idea.  Try to get the point of what someone is saying rather than remembering every word.

·         Show your interest.  Lean toward the speaker.  Give the speaker eye contact.  Nod at or encourage the speaker to continue. (Body language makes up over 80% of our communication)

·         Remember what the speaker has said.  Repeat what you understood the speaker to say.  They can validate or correct your understanding.

·         DO NOT INTERUPT THE SPEAKER.  Our family uses a talking stick to serve as a visual tool to remind us to listen completely to the one speaking.

The rewards of being a good listener are sometimes reaped instantly in a closer relationship with your spouse, child, family member, friend or co-worker.  Other times the rewards may be reaped years later.  Just remember that the practice of communication skills is not always easy.  You may find you make some mistakes along the way.  Remember to keep the overall goal of being a good listener in mind and keep practicing.  I can make a difference in how you feel about yourself and the recipient will certainly be healthier because you listened to them.

If you would like more information on healthy communication skills, contact the Extension office at 423-949-2611 or visit our website or like our Facebook page. 

References:

University of Tennessee Extension and Tennessee State Cooperative Extension Service - Family      

         and Consumer Sciences (2013).  Parenting Apart: Effective Co-Parenting.

Fulleylove-Krause, Faden and Hagen-Jokela, Rebecca (1995). Positive Parenting: Listening is a Love 

         in Action.

4-H Judging Teams

By: Sheldon D. Barker

While riding a pontoon boat on Reelfoot Lake one can’t help but be awed by the plants and animals adapted to live in such a unique place. For those of us who had never been to Reelfoot Lake, and for those who had, there could be no better way of seeing or learning about the lake. The Sequatchie County Senior High 4-H Wildlife Team had just such an opportunity three years ago. Learning about the wetland environment, and the plants and animals that live there was just part of the trip. The other was the opportunity to represent Tennessee at the National 4-H Wildlife Judging Contest. Since then the team has traveled to the foothills of the Great Smoky Mountains, and to Natchez Trace State Park, learning firsthand about the wildlife of Tennessee.

One of the many great opportunities 4-H offers is Judging Teams. My best memories as an agent and as a 4-H member are Judging Team trips. Over the last few years Sequatchie County has had four state winning Judging Teams (that we can find records for), two state winning Forestry Teams in 1970 and 2011. The 2011 Forestry Team placed third at the National 4-H Forestry Invitational in 2012. The Sequatchie County 4-H Land Judging Team which, although runner-up at the state contest, competed at the National Contest in Oklahoma in 1975. In the Family and Consumer Sciences area, there was a 1989 Diary Products state winning team, and a 1995 Interior Design winning team. Add to this a long list of regional winning teams. Sequatchie County has a great history of competitive judging teams.

Judging teams are a great way to learn about a subject area, as well as develop skills such as teamwork, leadership, goal setting, and decision-making. Currently, Sequatchie County has four active judging teams Wildlife, Forestry, Consumer Decision Making and Life Skills.

Life Skills

Being a part of the Life Skills Judging team allows junior high youth (6,7,8 grades) to participate in a fun and competitive way while learning valuable life lessons. Youth have the opportunity to become sales clerks counting back correct change, baby sitters choosing appropriate toys and games, a fitness coach selecting the appropriate exercise routine or a myriad of other scenarios that prepare them hands-on for life. Each team will compete in four various stations that have a Family and Consumer Sciences emphasis.

Consumer Decision Making

Do you love to shop? Consumer Decision Making is just the team for you! Youth in grades 9 -12 learn how to evaluate different products by value, purpose and quality. Teams then compete to make the best purchasing decisions based on this knowledge. Students may “shop” for sunglasses, jeans, ipads, backpacks and so forth. Consumer Decision Making trains young people to develop a critical eye for quality, a keen sense of value and excellent decision making skills while enjoying the thrill of competition. Judging team members when comparing alternative items for purchase. Team members are also challenged to represent themselves well through oral reasons.

Wildlife Judging

What do black bears need to survive? Or wild turkey? Could you identify a song sparrow by its song? Wildlife judging is an opportunity to learn about wildlife: how to identify various species, what they eat, what are their habitat needs. Participants have to identify wildlife species, evaluate habitat, and complete a test. Wildlife Judging is open to all 4-H members.

Forestry Judging

Is it an oak or a maple? What bug is this eating on my tree? 4-H Members in Forestry Judging learn to identify trees, insects and diseases that affect trees, how to measure a tree, and how to make forest management decisions. Forestry Judging is open for 4-H Members in 4th to 11th grades.

Photo: Members of the 2011 Senior 4-H Forestry Team preparing for National Contest 

Seven Steps Towards an Empowered Self-Esteem

Have you ever been guilty of saying:

“How can I be so studpid?”

“I know I will fail”

“I can’t do anything right.”

I call this trash talking! These negative statements contribute to our low self-esteem. 

Self-esteem is defined as a general feeling of self-worth.  Individuals who like who they are and feel good about themselves are considered to have high self-esteem.  People with low self-esteem may dislike themselves or hold mixed feelings about themselves.

Throughout our lives we are exposed to countless messages from different people, both verbal and non-verbal, that can influence how we feel about ourselves or affect our self-esteem.  Some messages come from parents, caregivers, and/or family friends starting at birth.  As we grow up we are exposed to more, and sometimes different, messages from peers, friends, people in the community and the media.  Building self-esteem can be a constant battle. So what can we do to create the confident image we desire?

1.     Enjoy life! When we enjoy what we do, we become good at it.  When we become good at a skill we gain appreciation and recognition from others which increases our confidence and makes us feel good about our accomplishments. So enjoy your work! Even if it is a boring and monotonous job, spice it up by setting targets for yourself and then work to achieve them.  For example: Start a song on the radio and try to have the house dusted before the song ends. (Remember to dance while you move to the music). Make sure to set the standards high and have fun!

2.    Enhance your style! Although our physical appearance plays a major role in our self-esteem, many of us choose to avoid that tiny detail.  We should make sure that we do justice to the features that we have been blessed with.  Men and women should make sure that their hair and face are well groomed, clothes well ironed and color coordinated.  Women make sure to at least wear the basics in make-up (foundation, lip color and a little eye shadow).  When you are well “put together” others will notice and that will give you an instant boost!

3.    Exercise! Regular workouts help the body release the negative toxins built up in your body faster.  The skin shines and you are more fit and in better shape.  If you are fit, you will feel better in your clothes and have more energy to accomplish the things you want to accomplish.  A fit person has a natural vibe of confidence that surrounds them.

4.    Energize yourself! Take time out for yourself. People often lose themselves in the rut and forget about their own needs and thoughts.  If we have an emergency mid-flight, who gets the oxygen mask first? The Stewardess will instruct the caregiver to place their mask on first and then they can assist their loved ones. Why do you think this is? If we pass out, we cannot be of assistance to anyone around us.  It is very important to give yourself first priority.  Set aside time each day to do something that you really want to do.  Also, make sure that you spend at least 30 minutes by yourself each day to reflect on the day’s events and to meditate.  This helps you bring understanding to you day and prepares you for the next day.

5.    Edify yourself! Make 3 X 5 index cards that have positive sayings about yourself.  For example: I am a compassionate person, I am creative, I am a great singer, etc.  Now you might not totally feel this way at the time that you are making the cards but you know in your heart that you have the seeds of potential within you!  Once the cards are made, keep them in a safe place so that when you feel at your lowest you can bring those cards out and look them over to help build up your self-esteem again.  You may also choose to place them in areas around the home where you will see them on a regular basis for that daily dose of reminder.  For example, you may place them in a book you are reading, on the refrigerator, on the bathroom mirror, in your purse etc.  These will serve as constant reminders of your good qualities.  Having trouble coming up with positives?  Ask your friends and family members to help list your good qualities.

6.    Embark on new advenutes! Make a bucket list of all the things that you always wanted to do in your life.  Look over this list and begin to set goals for each of these tasks.  Which ones can I accomplish in the short term, which goals will take longer to achieve?  What tasks need to be accomplished to make this goal a reality?  Now remember this list is by no means set in stone, it is just a personal list to keep you focused on your dreams and goals.  Try it out!  It is a great tool to make a pathway for yourself and your future!  May I encourage you to start taking chances?  Even if you are starting out at square one with no experience, in what you want to do, you need to try and take the first step at your dream.  Many of us are afraid to try because we are afraid of failure.  Remember it is better to try and fail than never try at all.

7.    Elect to have a strong self-esteem.  Many people give in to the slight depressions of life.  The important tool here is to accept the downs and expect the ups.  Once you come to terms with the fact that life will come with its set of failures, you will not get thrown off guard by them.  You will be more prepared, which will make their impact on your life less.  This in turn will help your self-regard increase.  Victory over defeat gives strength, you just have to see it.  Nothing and I mean NOTHING in this world is stopping you from building your self-esteem other than YOU! 

If you would like to learn more about this topic or other UT Extension Programs in Sequatchie County visit:

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REFERENCES

How to Take Practical Steps in Building Self-esteem in Adults –

http://www.ehow.com/print/how_4661419_practical-steps-building-selfesteem-adults.html

Maintaining a Positive and Healthy Self-Esteem: What Can Adults Do? –

University of Nebraska-Lincoln Extension HE Form 550

Self-Esteem: Self-Esteem Can be Taught – http://selfesteem.org/self-

esteem-can-be-taught.html

Self-esteem Activities for Adults – http://www.buzzle.com/articles/self-   

          esteem-activities-for-adults.html