Encouraging our Children to Succeed

Think about a time that you received encouragement from someone else.  How did it make you feel?  Did the task seem easier to accomplish after you received encouragement?  Our children are faced with new learning experiences every day.  You can help make their day less stressful through providing encouragement.  Giving your children encouragement can help them to be excited about school and to develop positive attitudes about learning.  Some of those positive attitudes include:

·         Self-confidence: I can do it.

·         Curiosity: How? Why?

·         Self-starting: Let’s try it this way.

·         Goals: I will finish this tonight.

·         Persistence: Keeps on going, even when things are difficult.

As parents, you can help your children develop this positive attitude by doing the following:

·         Give them opportunities to feel successful.

·         Praise them.

·         Answer their questions.

·         Show them how to do things.

·         Help them break big jobs down into small jobs.

·         Give them time to try on their own.  Don’t do the work for them.

·         Help them when asked.

·         Talk with them rather than at them (Say, “What do you think might work?” instead of Here is how you do this.”)

·         Help them to practice the skills they have learned through activities and play.

Developing a positive learning attitude is the first step to building life -long learners.  However, there is still one REALLY BIG hurdle to cross….what about homework! Ugh!  How can you encourage your child to complete their homework assignments each night?  A few suggestions are:

·         Set a regular time for doing homework.

·         Have a central place where supplies for schoolwork can be found (scissors, glue, pencils, pens, paper, reference books, etc.).

·         Check the child’s homework when it is finished.

·         Be available to help with homework if needed.

·         Go over their assignments and help them to decide what is most important and in what order they should do their work.

·         During homework time, turn off the TV or other things that might make it hard to concentrate (however, some children learn best when other things are happening, such as having the radio on)

·         “Study” at the same time that your children are studying.  For example, parents could read the newspaper or a book, or do homework from classes they are taking.

·         Let children take a homework break.  A few minutes doing something else can help to clear the mind and make studying easier.

·         Let them have a snack if children come home from school hungry, or relax or play outside for a few minutes before they begin their homework.  Often children feel “brain dead” after a day of school and need some time to relax or play before they begin doing homework.

·         Give children a treat such as going for ice cream, having a family game night, or renting a movie on Friday if homework was completed on time all week.

·         Help children to put their homework where they can find it to turn it in the next day at school.

 Tips to Help Students Gain Academic Success

Source: Popkin, M. H., Youngs, B. B. & Healy, J. M., (1985).  Parent Involvement: Tips for Helping Your Child Succeed in School. Active Parenting Publishers.

Involved Parents = Successful Students

It’s back to school time in Tennessee!  I can remember the early morning alarm clock, the moans and groans coming from the bedroom, the mad rush to pack lunches and get everyone out the door on time and….the return trips for forgotten items. Does this sound like your home?  As parents, we play many important roles in our child’s life.  One of the most important roles is supporting their educational endeavors.  Research shows that schools are stronger and produce better programs when parents are involved.  The research also suggests that students display better attitudes towards learning and earn better grades when their parents are engaged in the learning process.  You demonstrate the importance of education when you show an interest in your child’s school experience.  This support can be shown physically, socially, emotionally, and mentally.

Physical support includes:

·        Ensuring your child receives adequate sleep in order to fully engage in their studies.  Plan your days so that your child can have 9 – 11 hours of rest every evening. 

·        Making sure your child gets up early enough to eat breakfast from home or arrives early enough to eat breakfast at school.  Breakfast is the most important meal of the day to energize their brains and their bodies!

·        Dressing your child appropriately for the weather.  It is best to dress your child in layers so they can add or remove clothing to remain comfortable in different climates.  Be sure to check with your child’s school dress code and follow their recommendations.

Social support includes:

·        Teaching your child how to get along with others.  Help them to understand that they will not always get their way and show them how to treat others with respect.  Modeling these behaviors is the best teacher of all.

·        Preparing your child for those that are different.  Again, modeling respect of all people that look, act or talk different from them.  Help them to celebrate the unique qualities each person adds to the classroom.

Emotional support includes:

·        Providing security for your child at home.  Each child has the right to feel safe in their own home.  This can be accomplished by

o   Avoiding fights in front of the children.

o   Identifying a trusted adult the child can call for support

o   Planning appropriate childcare.

·        Supporting your child.  Be sure to encourage your child’s positive behaviors and efforts.  Too much criticism can damage your child’s self-worth and confidence.

·        Empathizing with your child.  Be sensitive to your child’s feelings.  Validate their feelings and never belittle or tease them.

·        Loving your child unconditionally.  Make sure they know that they are always loved, even when you don’t approve of their behaviors.

Mental support includes:

·        Making sure your child has all the supplies/needs for school each day such as books, homework, pencils, paper, etc.

·        Asking what they are studying at school.  Look over work, read through their notebook and provide further studies on a topic that interests your child.

·        Discussing your child’s homework, tests and report cards.

·        Locating dates and times of special exams such as ACT, SAT, TCAP and End of Course Exams.  Help them prepare and make sure they are well rested.

When parents are involved in school, they can understand what their children are learning and doing in school, understand what the teachers expect from the students, get to know their children's teachers and principals, and get to know their children's friends and parents. Below are some suggestions you can do to be involved?

·         Eat lunch at school with your children.

·         Attend programs and sports events in which your child is involved.

·         Visit your children's classrooms.

·         Bake goodies and take to the teacher’s lounge.

·         Participate in parent-teacher meetings.

·         Attend open houses.

·         Participate in special workshops.

·         Help with fund-raising.

·         Write notes to the teacher about things that concern or please you.

·         Ask the teacher how you can help your child at home.

·         Ask about school rules and help your child to follow those rules.

·         Volunteer in the classroom.

·         Volunteer for special events.

·         Become a member of the PTA or PTO.

·         Review your child‘s homework each day.

·         Take care of children for others who can volunteer at the school.

·         Help chaperon field trips.

·         Ask others such as retired friends or grandparents to volunteer.

·         Share your special talents (such as teaching a craft or working with computers).

·         Recognize your children when they do well.

 

Back to School Tips

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Source: Dean, C. (1996). Becoming part of your child _s school. Cornell Cooperative Extension

4-H Parents Make a Difference

It's September and that means 4-H clubs begin again!  I love spending time with our youth and watching them mature into tomorrow's leaders! The parent/caring adult of a 4-H member plays a major role in the support network of the Tennessee 4-H Youth Development Program.  Parental support is especially important in the development of youth.  If parent/caring adults are involved right from the beginning, chances are higher for a successful 4-H experience.  By involving yourself in 4-H youth activities, you create a sense of belonging for your child and all children involved.

 

You Can Make A Difference By Doing The Following:

ü  Show interest in what youth are doing.

ü  Provide materials and equipment your children may need.

ü  Make sure your child attends the 4-H club meetings.

ü  Be familiar with the 4-H members’ responsibilities.

ü  Support 4-H leaders. Get to know them, and let them know you appreciate their efforts.

ü  Encourage your children to complete their projects.  Let children do their own work; work side by side with your child; don’t do their project for them.  Let them experience success and set-backs.

ü  Support your child to complete any 4-H responsibility he or she may have been elected or selected to do.  Also, help youth follow through with tasks they volunteer for.

ü  Remember…the objective of 4-H is to build youth into responsible citizens.  The way they do their work – complete projects, conduct meetings, participate in competitive events, etc. - will develop life skills and help set work and character patterns for the rest of their lives.

ü  Encourage youth not to over commit themselves to too many activities.  Over commitment does not allow them to complete tasks effectively and often leads to frustration.

ü  Support other children in the club as you will your own children.  Give praise for a job well done and encourage them when difficulties arise.  This helps form trusting relationships and a sense of community within the club.

ü  Make 4-H a “family affair.” Get the entire family involved in 4-H activities and events – wither as spectators, participants or volunteers.

ü  Read all 4-H mailings.

ü  Become aware of opportunities through 4-H that may affect not only your child, but also others in the club and your community as well.

ü  Be 4-H’s best advertisement by knowing about the program.

ü  Be a positive role model in all areas especially sportsmanship and ethics.

ü  Assist in strengthening the educational quality of club activities.

ü  Promote the basic 4-H philosophy – our product is youth and our projects are the means by which we develop our product.

ü  Follow specific requirements that a club, organization or county group may require.

ü  Follow the 4-H guidelines and policies of the University of Tennessee Extension and the 4-H Youth Development Program.

Fighting Fair

When fighting, we portray one of three different personality traits.  Some of us fight with aggression.  We are yellers, stompers, slammers and all out fit throwers. (You know who you are.)  Others fight by being passive.  We retreat into our shell like a wounded turtle.  We might not speak for days and withhold affection or acknowledgment to the one that has angered us. (Be honest and admit it.)  There is a better way to resolve conflict, Assertiveness.  When we use one simple communication tool, our conflicts can become areas of healthy discussions and problem solving sessions instead of battle fields where everyone loses.

An I message is a simple three-part statement that informs others (a) how you feel, (b) what event or what action bothers you, and (c) what you would like to have happen differently.  The first benefit of an I message is its ability to neutralize an argument. An I message does not blame the other person and does not sound judgmental.  For example: Instead of saying, “you make me so angry,” you might say, “I feel angry when…”.  You messages usually make the listener feel attacked and angry.  The response is likely to be negative and lead to an argument.  On the other hand, a simple I statement may result in a more helpful, cooperative response for solving the problem.

I messages also give the passive and/or the aggressive personality trait a healthy voice on which to be heard. The second part of the I message allows the sender to calmly voice what situation is making them uncomfortable.  For example: You might be angry when your spouse is habitually late to dinner.  You might say, “I feel disrespected when I prepare a meal for our family and you arrive home late.”  This allows the receiver to actually hear the problem being stated without engaging in a shouting match or experiencing the silent treatment. 

The third part of the I message opens up the door for healthy problem solving.  Once the feelings and the cause have been identified, the sender may now make a recommendation for what would make the situation better.  For example: You might say, “I would appreciate you calling home by 4:00 when you know you are going to be late.” This suggestion allows the receiver to respond with agreement or to make other suggestions that might work for both parties.

It takes some time for I messages to feel natural in conversation.  Think about what you want to say before you deliver the message.  Use the formula for an I message to help you express what you want to say. You might even want to write your message down to make sure it says what you feel and what you want without accusing the other person.  Remember the formula:

I feel (insert feeling word or phrase) when (say what happens that makes you feel that way).  I would like (tell what you would like to have happen in the future).

If you would like more information on healthy communication skills, contact the Extension office at 423-949-2611 or visit our website  or like us on Facebook.   

 

Are You Listening?

Are You Listening?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=airT-m9LcoY

Many of you may remember the Abbot and Costello routine “Who’s On First”.  How many of you have ever felt that your conversations fell into this comedic routine?  This is a fine example of how we often miscommunicate with one another.  We send from 300 to 1000 messages each day.  Is it any wonder that sometimes things get mixed up along the way?  With every message there is a sender and receiver.  Both the sender and receiver can develop skills that make communication effective and reduce conflict and misunderstanding.  

 Active listening is the responsibility of the receiver.  This is a tool to make sure that the receiver understands what the sender is saying.  In order to be an active listener one must listen to the words being said, watch the body language of the sender, hear the tone of voice used, and interpret what was said based on all of those clues.  Once the receiver has interpreted this information, it is their job to reflect back to the sender what they understood to be the message.  (Didn’t know listening was such hard work did you?) Here are some tips to make your job more successful:

·         Give your full attention to the person speaking.  Get rid of distractions (cell phone, radio, tv).

·         Focus on the speaker’s message by listening for the main idea.  Try to get the point of what someone is saying rather than remembering every word.

·         Show your interest.  Lean toward the speaker.  Give the speaker eye contact.  Nod at or encourage the speaker to continue. (Body language makes up over 80% of our communication)

·         Remember what the speaker has said.  Repeat what you understood the speaker to say.  They can validate or correct your understanding.

·         DO NOT INTERUPT THE SPEAKER.  Our family uses a talking stick to serve as a visual tool to remind us to listen completely to the one speaking.

The rewards of being a good listener are sometimes reaped instantly in a closer relationship with your spouse, child, family member, friend or co-worker.  Other times the rewards may be reaped years later.  Just remember that the practice of communication skills is not always easy.  You may find you make some mistakes along the way.  Remember to keep the overall goal of being a good listener in mind and keep practicing.  I can make a difference in how you feel about yourself and the recipient will certainly be healthier because you listened to them.

If you would like more information on healthy communication skills, contact the Extension office at 423-949-2611 or visit our website or like our Facebook page. 

References:

University of Tennessee Extension and Tennessee State Cooperative Extension Service - Family      

         and Consumer Sciences (2013).  Parenting Apart: Effective Co-Parenting.

Fulleylove-Krause, Faden and Hagen-Jokela, Rebecca (1995). Positive Parenting: Listening is a Love 

         in Action.

Children and Chores

Doing chores is a tradition in many families. Chores help kids learn responsibility, and sharing chores gives you help around the house.

Not sure your kids will go for it? Take heart! Matt Devereaux, a child development specialist with University of Tennessee Extension says there are ways to make chores a little bit, well, less of a chore for everyone. Here are a few of his recommendations:

·  Don't insist on perfection. No one is perfect, and it's better to have a more relaxed approach to how well your kids do their chores. Otherwise, you might have a struggle on your hands. Or you might jump in and do it for them, which would undermine the whole point.

· Don't delay. You might think your child is too young. But kids can do a lot of chores at an early age, and they'll learn by doing.

·  Don't be stingy with praise. Get that praise going right away! Don't wait until the chore is done. Praise and encourage the child while the chore is in progress. You want to build positive momentum, especially with young kids.

· Don't be inconsistent. If your kids aren't expected to regularly follow through, they might start putting chores off in the hope that someone else will do them.

Devereaux recommends that families create a list of every job it takes to keep the family going. “Have kids pick out the chores they'd most like to do,” he said. “Then create a chart to track progress.”

Should your child get an allowance for chores? Usually not, Devereaux says, quoting most parenting experts.  “Chores are partly about responsibility and partly about learning household tasks. They're not focused on earning money. Yes, kids need to learn how to handle money, but not by doing chores they're supposed to do anyway,” he said.

“It's especially important to not tie allowances to chores for younger kids.  That's because a younger child may be less motivated by money and simply choose to not do them,” Devereaux adds.

There's an exception: For older kids who already know how to be responsible, money can become a nice motivator for doing extra chores above and beyond their usual tasks.

Devereaux lists these tasks as age-appropriate chores:

Chores for children ages 2 to 3
·        Put toys away
·        Fill pet's food dish
·        Put clothes in hamper
·        Wipe up spills
·        Pile books and magazines

Chores for children ages 4 to 5
·        Empty wastebaskets
·        Clear table
·       Pull weeds if you have a garden
·        Use hand-held vacuum to pick up crumbs
·        Water flowers
·        Unload utensils from dishwasher
·        Fix bowl of cereal

Chores for children ages 6 to 7
·        Sort laundry
·        Sweep floors
·        Set and clear table
·        Help make and pack lunch
·        Weed and rake leaves
·        Keep bedroom tidy

Chores for children ages 8 to 9
·        Load dishwasher
·        Put away groceries
·        Vacuum
·        Make own snacks
·        Wash table after meals
·        Put away own laundry
·        Cook simple foods, such as toast
·        Mop floor

Chores for children ages 10 and older
·        Unload dishwasher
·        Do laundry
·        Fold laundry
·        Clean bathroom
·        Wash car
·        Cook simple meal with supervision
·        Babysit younger siblings (with adult in the home)
·        Clean kitchen
·        Change their bed sheets

UT Extension provides a gateway to the University of Tennessee as the outreach unit of the UT Institute of Agriculture. With an office in every Tennessee county, UT Extension delivers educational programs and research-based information to citizens throughout the state. In cooperation with Tennessee State University, UT Extension works with farmers, families, youth and communities to improve lives by addressing problems and issues at the local, state and national levels.
If you would like to learn more about this topic or other UT Extension Programs in Sequatchie County:

 visit our website, or like us on Facebook,  

 

Article written by: Matt Devereaux, University of Tennessee Extension Specialist.