Are You Listening?

Are You Listening?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=airT-m9LcoY

Many of you may remember the Abbot and Costello routine “Who’s On First”.  How many of you have ever felt that your conversations fell into this comedic routine?  This is a fine example of how we often miscommunicate with one another.  We send from 300 to 1000 messages each day.  Is it any wonder that sometimes things get mixed up along the way?  With every message there is a sender and receiver.  Both the sender and receiver can develop skills that make communication effective and reduce conflict and misunderstanding.  

 Active listening is the responsibility of the receiver.  This is a tool to make sure that the receiver understands what the sender is saying.  In order to be an active listener one must listen to the words being said, watch the body language of the sender, hear the tone of voice used, and interpret what was said based on all of those clues.  Once the receiver has interpreted this information, it is their job to reflect back to the sender what they understood to be the message.  (Didn’t know listening was such hard work did you?) Here are some tips to make your job more successful:

·         Give your full attention to the person speaking.  Get rid of distractions (cell phone, radio, tv).

·         Focus on the speaker’s message by listening for the main idea.  Try to get the point of what someone is saying rather than remembering every word.

·         Show your interest.  Lean toward the speaker.  Give the speaker eye contact.  Nod at or encourage the speaker to continue. (Body language makes up over 80% of our communication)

·         Remember what the speaker has said.  Repeat what you understood the speaker to say.  They can validate or correct your understanding.

·         DO NOT INTERUPT THE SPEAKER.  Our family uses a talking stick to serve as a visual tool to remind us to listen completely to the one speaking.

The rewards of being a good listener are sometimes reaped instantly in a closer relationship with your spouse, child, family member, friend or co-worker.  Other times the rewards may be reaped years later.  Just remember that the practice of communication skills is not always easy.  You may find you make some mistakes along the way.  Remember to keep the overall goal of being a good listener in mind and keep practicing.  I can make a difference in how you feel about yourself and the recipient will certainly be healthier because you listened to them.

If you would like more information on healthy communication skills, contact the Extension office at 423-949-2611 or visit our website or like our Facebook page. 

References:

University of Tennessee Extension and Tennessee State Cooperative Extension Service - Family      

         and Consumer Sciences (2013).  Parenting Apart: Effective Co-Parenting.

Fulleylove-Krause, Faden and Hagen-Jokela, Rebecca (1995). Positive Parenting: Listening is a Love 

         in Action.