Involved Parents = Successful Students

It’s back to school time in Tennessee!  I can remember the early morning alarm clock, the moans and groans coming from the bedroom, the mad rush to pack lunches and get everyone out the door on time and….the return trips for forgotten items. Does this sound like your home?  As parents, we play many important roles in our child’s life.  One of the most important roles is supporting their educational endeavors.  Research shows that schools are stronger and produce better programs when parents are involved.  The research also suggests that students display better attitudes towards learning and earn better grades when their parents are engaged in the learning process.  You demonstrate the importance of education when you show an interest in your child’s school experience.  This support can be shown physically, socially, emotionally, and mentally.

Physical support includes:

·        Ensuring your child receives adequate sleep in order to fully engage in their studies.  Plan your days so that your child can have 9 – 11 hours of rest every evening. 

·        Making sure your child gets up early enough to eat breakfast from home or arrives early enough to eat breakfast at school.  Breakfast is the most important meal of the day to energize their brains and their bodies!

·        Dressing your child appropriately for the weather.  It is best to dress your child in layers so they can add or remove clothing to remain comfortable in different climates.  Be sure to check with your child’s school dress code and follow their recommendations.

Social support includes:

·        Teaching your child how to get along with others.  Help them to understand that they will not always get their way and show them how to treat others with respect.  Modeling these behaviors is the best teacher of all.

·        Preparing your child for those that are different.  Again, modeling respect of all people that look, act or talk different from them.  Help them to celebrate the unique qualities each person adds to the classroom.

Emotional support includes:

·        Providing security for your child at home.  Each child has the right to feel safe in their own home.  This can be accomplished by

o   Avoiding fights in front of the children.

o   Identifying a trusted adult the child can call for support

o   Planning appropriate childcare.

·        Supporting your child.  Be sure to encourage your child’s positive behaviors and efforts.  Too much criticism can damage your child’s self-worth and confidence.

·        Empathizing with your child.  Be sensitive to your child’s feelings.  Validate their feelings and never belittle or tease them.

·        Loving your child unconditionally.  Make sure they know that they are always loved, even when you don’t approve of their behaviors.

Mental support includes:

·        Making sure your child has all the supplies/needs for school each day such as books, homework, pencils, paper, etc.

·        Asking what they are studying at school.  Look over work, read through their notebook and provide further studies on a topic that interests your child.

·        Discussing your child’s homework, tests and report cards.

·        Locating dates and times of special exams such as ACT, SAT, TCAP and End of Course Exams.  Help them prepare and make sure they are well rested.

When parents are involved in school, they can understand what their children are learning and doing in school, understand what the teachers expect from the students, get to know their children's teachers and principals, and get to know their children's friends and parents. Below are some suggestions you can do to be involved?

·         Eat lunch at school with your children.

·         Attend programs and sports events in which your child is involved.

·         Visit your children's classrooms.

·         Bake goodies and take to the teacher’s lounge.

·         Participate in parent-teacher meetings.

·         Attend open houses.

·         Participate in special workshops.

·         Help with fund-raising.

·         Write notes to the teacher about things that concern or please you.

·         Ask the teacher how you can help your child at home.

·         Ask about school rules and help your child to follow those rules.

·         Volunteer in the classroom.

·         Volunteer for special events.

·         Become a member of the PTA or PTO.

·         Review your child‘s homework each day.

·         Take care of children for others who can volunteer at the school.

·         Help chaperon field trips.

·         Ask others such as retired friends or grandparents to volunteer.

·         Share your special talents (such as teaching a craft or working with computers).

·         Recognize your children when they do well.

 

Back to School Tips

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Source: Dean, C. (1996). Becoming part of your child _s school. Cornell Cooperative Extension

Caring for the Caregiver: Psychological Needs

Written by Aneta Eichler, University of Tennessee Extension Agent, Sequatchie County

Becoming a caregiver can be very rewarding.  You may feel that you are giving back to someone who has given so much for you or you might feel that you are making up for past mistakes.  However, caring for a loved one that is no longer able to care for themselves can trigger many psychological issues for the caregiver.  The caregiver may have overwhelming feelings of guilt, resentment, fear or expectations.

Guilt is a common feeling related to caregiving.  You may wonder if you are doing enough or second guess a choice made on behalf of your loved one.  Evaluate your efforts to serve your loved one.  If you are trying hard to meet their needs, you do not need to feel guilty when things hinder that effort.  One way to off-set this concern is to have a back-up plan in place.  Consider all the ways you serve your loved one, set down with other family members or friends and ask them to be your back-up in case something would hinder you from following through with your responsibilities.  For example, you may be responsible for preparing meals for your loved one.  You may want to talk with a trusted neighbor and sign them up as back up.  Then if a bad storm hits or you fall ill, help is simply a phone call away.  I would suggest keeping this list in a prominent place for other members of the family to locate if needed.

We may develop feelings of resentment when our loved ones are taking up so much of our time.  These feelings may create guilt which puts into motion a vicious cycle of resentment and guilt.  If your feelings of resentment are prevalent, admit that you need a little time to rejuvenate yourself and send out the S.O.S. code to your friends and family members.  Do not feel guilty when you need a little R & R, it is completely natural and normal to need this time.  Your Area Agency on Aging may be able to help provide needed resources for you and your family.

Fear and sadness are other feelings you may experience.  Your parent or spouse is physically or mentally deteriorating.  They may now require assistance for things they gave you in the past.  The roles are reversing.  A fear of the unknown with your loved one’s approaching dying and death process, coming to terms with your own mortality and spirituality, and comforting your loved one may cause an element of fear and sadness.  The sadness may be coming from the times you will not have together in the future or that you wasted in the past.

Sometimes our expectations create dissatisfaction.  As we near retirement, we may make plans to travel or pursue a new hobby.  Instead, we are faced with the reality that we are tied down with the responsibility of caregiving.  This is a good time to remind yourself that caregiving is allowing you a chance to bond closer with your loved one.  Research shows that we feel more satisfaction when we are serving and caring for others.  However, this does not mean that you should not continue with your plans to travel or learn a new skill.  In order to meet your own expectations you may need to hire someone to care for the person for several weeks while you travel or a few hours a week while you work on hobbies. Remember to spend some time and money on yourself to avoid feeling suffocated with too many responsibilities. 

During this difficult time, remember to CELEBRATE LIFE!  Encourage your loved one to participate in your celebration of the little things like a beautiful sunset, the change of seasons, a bird’s song, the sweet smell of lilacs, the laughter of a child, or the succulent taste of fresh bread.  Enjoy a memory shared together by looking at some old photographs or reminiscing over funny stories of old.  Laughter can lift our moods and heal our broken spirits so remember to laugh often!

What are some of the feelings you experience?

Information taken from: DeBois, M & Bosch, K (2006). Who cares for the caregiver. Nebraska Lincoln       Extension. Publication HEF569

 

Be Silent No More

By: Heather Wallace, Assistant Professor and Human Development Specialist, University of Tennessee Extension 

Page Content

 

Losing someone special to death, no matter the circumstance, is never easy. Hearing about the passing of a beloved public figure like actor and comedian, Robin Williams can be equally tough, especially when the cause is preventable, says Heather Wallace, assistant professor and a human development specialist with University of Tennessee Extension.

According to the Tennessee Department of Mental Health and Substance Abuse Services, an estimated 850 people die by suicide in Tennessee every year. It’s the third leading cause of death among youth and young adults in the state and across the nation. “While deeply saddening, hearing about a person’s apparent self-inflicted death provides parents and families opportunities to have open conversations about difficult topics like death and suicide.” Wallace adds that conversations will vary depending on beliefs, culture and children’s ages.

Matt Devereaux, professor and a child development specialist with UT Extension Family and Consumer Sciences, says children in elementary school or younger should be guarded from exposure to media coverage focused on the cause of Robin Williams’ death. However, if they ask questions about suicide and death, Devereaux says that honesty is the best policy. “The important thing when speaking with young children is short and simple responses to their questions,” Devereaux said.  He also noted that children should be ensured that they always have a safe person to talk to should they ever have such thoughts or feel sad in a way that is different than just stubbing your toe.”

Devereaux adds that parents and caregivers should seize this opportunity to talk open and honestly with youth who are middle- and high-school age about the signs and symptoms of depression and suicidal thoughts. “You will not cause a person to become suicidal just by talking about it,” he said. “Communicate clearly that you are a safe person that he or she can always reach out to for non-judgmental and honest conversations about mental health.”

Here are some of the signs and symptoms of suicidal thoughts and planning, along with resources to guide conversations, and where to turn for help.

Signs of Suicidal Thoughts and Plans

(From the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration and the non-profit organization Helpguide.org)

● Looking for a way to kill oneself, like searching online or buying items to assist suicide.
● Preoccupation with death.
● Talking about (any of these):
   - Wanting to die or to kill oneself,
   - Feeling hopeless or no reason to live,
   - Feeling trapped or in unbearable pain,
   - Wanting to sleep and not wake up,
   - Being a burden to others.
● Increasing the use of alcohol or drugs.
● Acting anxious/agitated; being reckless.
● Sleeping too little or too much.
● Withdrawing or feeling isolated.
● Showing rage or talking about revenge.
● Displaying extreme mood swings.
● Sudden sense of calm and happiness after being extremely depressed.
● Giving away personal items for no apparent reason.

Need Help Now?

● The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline- 1-800-273-TALK1-800-273-TALK (8255) - a free, 24-hour hotline available to anyone in suicidal crisis or emotional distress.

● Tennessee-specific - 1-855-CRISIS-11-855-CRISIS-1 (1-855-274-74711-855-274-7471) or chat online (2 p.m. - 2 a.m. Eastern time)

If you’re with someone in need of help, experts recommend you take these steps:
● Stay with that person until he or she has the help they need.
● Ask to call a help lifeline for him or her.
● Persuade the person that he or she needs professional help. Take that person to the hospital if needed.

More Information is available from the the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration website. Evidence-based suicide prevention training for professionals is available from the QPR Institute.

The UT Institute of Agriculture provides instruction, research and public service through the UT College of Agricultural Sciences and Natural Resources, the UT College of Veterinary Medicine, UT AgResearch, including its system of 10 research and education centers, and UT Extension offices in every county in the state.

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Contact:

Heather Wallace, assistant professor and human development specialist, UT Extension, 865-974-7193865-974-7193, heather.wallace@utk.edu

Understanding Your New Health Insurance

After the hoopla about the implementation of the Affordable Care Act last winter, many people never want to think about health insurance again. But others who have health insurance for the first time are just learning to use their new policies and services. In case you are in the latter category, you may still be confused by the health insurance landscape, which can be very complex.

Health insurance is essentially a contract between you and an insurance company designed to protect you from health care expenses exceeding what you might be able to pay out of your pocket. In the contract, the health insurance company specifies the percentages or amounts of charges they will pay and how much will be your responsibility for different health care services.

These are some of the terms and definitions associated with health insurance:

• The amount the insurance company charges you for a policy is called the premium. The premium is determined by the level of coverage you have—generally, the more medical expenses that are covered by the insurance company, the higher the premium. (The Affordable Care Act requires that all policies now cover at least 60 percent of expenses.)
• The deductible is the amount that you must pay for expenses other than preventive services each policy year before any insurance coverage kicks in. The Affordable Care Act designates which basic preventive services are covered by your premium with no deductible. Preventive services may include annual physicals, immunizations and screenings that can keep you from getting sick.
• For every medical service not a part of your preventive care, you will be charged a co-pay (co-payment). A co-pay is a fixed fee (such as $15) that you are asked to pay, usually at the time of service. The co-pay is subtracted from the amount filed with your insurance company. The amount may vary from doctor to doctor.
• Coinsurance is the percent of the cost of covered health care services paid by consumers. The level of coverage you have determines your coinsurance. For example, your coinsurance at different levels might be 10, 20, 30 or 40 percent. Obviously, a policy with 10 percent coinsurance would have a higher premium than a policy with 40 percent coinsurance.
• The Affordable Care Act places a cap, or limit, on your out-of-pocket expenses, currently at $6,350 for one person and $12,700 for a family. If you reach that amount, then deductibles and coinsurance will no longer be charged, although you will continue to pay co-payments.
• A claim is a request for payment that a consumer or healthcare provider submits to the health insurance company for items or services rendered.  For example, once you have completed a doctor’s appointment, the doctor’s office will submit the information to your health insurance company to process (if the doctor is an out of network provider you may be responsible for submitting the paperwork to the insurance company yourself).  The health insurance company will make a determination and send payment to your healthcare provider if applicable.  The insurance company will also send a claim statement to you for your records explaining what services were covered.
• An allowed amount is the maximum amount allowed to be paid for covered health services by a health insurance company.  This may also be called “eligible expense,” “payment allowance,” or “negotiated rate.”  In most cases your doctor will accept the allowed (maximum) amount paid by the health insurance company as ‘paid in full’ and you will not be responsible for the difference.
• Balance billing is when the provider bills the consumer for the difference between the provider’s charge and the amount allowed by the health plan.  For example, if your doctor does not accept the maximum allowed then you may receive a bill from them charging you the difference between the doctor’s charge and the maximum allowed by your health insurance company.  You will then be responsible for making this payment.

You will find a more complete glossary of health insurance terms at Https://www.healthcare.gov/glossary/ . The better you understand your health insurance, the more you can benefit.

Barbara Metzger and Dena Wise

So, you want to can your own food…

Now is a great time to learn how to preserve your food at home because canning is making a comeback, says Dr. Janie Burney, a professor and food preservation specialist with the University of Tennessee Extension Department of Family and Consumer Sciences.

“If you need some way to preserve food that you have grown yourself or purchased at a grocery or farmers market, canning may be the thing to do,” said Burney.  She adds that home canning equipment has never been safer or easier to use.

“The best way to start is by using the right equipment, proper techniques and up-to-date home canning recipes from your local University of Tennessee Extension Office,” Burney recommended.  The food preservation expert explained that extension agents trained in the field of family and consumer sciences, formerly called home economics, offer a variety of educational programs in home food preservation in counties across the state.

“ Don’t hesitate to call your local county extension office for detailed information,’ she said.  “Extension agents have a long history of providing ad ice on how to preserve foods safely at home.  Extension agents are part of the national Cooperative Extension System, which is a partnership between the USDA, the University of Tennessee or Tennessee State University, and your county.  USDA published instructions for canning as early as 1909 in pamphlets known as farmer’s bulletins.”

As the spring and summer canning season approaches, Burney is often asked to review some of the basics of canning.  Here’s a set of answers to many questions that beginners and those experienced in food preservation often ask.

Question: How do I need to prepare for prepare for canning season?

Burney: It’s never too early to start thinking about what supplies and materials you will need.  Don’t wait until the food is ready to be harvested.  Start by checking your equipment and supplies.  Proper equipment in good condition is required for sage, high-quality, home canned food.

A pressure canner is a must for canning low-acid vegetables, meats, fish and poultry.  Two basic types are available.  One has a dial gauge to indicate the pressure inside the canner; the other has a metal weighted gauge.  Dial gauges must be tested for accuracy before each canning season.  For information on testing a dial gauge, call your county extension agent.  Check the rubber gasket if your canner has one.  It should be flexible and soft, not brittle, sticky or cracked.  Also make sure any small pipes or vent ports with openings are clean and open all the way through.

A boiling water canner is needed for canning fruits, pickles, jellies and jams.  The canner should be deep enough to allow at least one to two inches of water to boil over the tops of the jars.  Both pressure and boiling water canners should have a rack in the bottom to keep jars off the bottom of the canner.

If you have canned before, inspect old jars for nicks, cracks or chips, especially around the top sealing edge.  Nicks can prevent lids from sealing.  Very old jars can weaken with age and repeated use.  They break under pressure and heat.  Consider investing in new jars and watch for specials in stores.  New jars are a better investment over time than buying used jars at yard sales or flea markets.

Mason-type jars specifically designed for home canning are best.  Jars that use two-piece self-sealing metal lids are recommended by USDA.  These have been tested in many canning processes and form good seals.  Used lids should be thrown away.  The screw bands are reusable if they are not bent, dented or rusted.

Question: Where can I find instructions for canning specific foods?

Burney: Your local Extension Office is one source for instructions.  You also can find safe recipes from USDA and from other Extension offices across the country.  If you use the internet, bookmark the site for the National Center for Home Food Preservation (http://nchfp.uga.edu/).  Look for instructions on web sites that end in “edu” or “gov.” Recipes on web sites that end in “com” may not be safe.  One exception is the national extension website: http://www.extension.org.  Just search the term “canning.”

Question: Why can’t I use my grandmother’s old canning recipes? I can’t recall anyone getting sick.

Burney: Through the years, home canning methods and techniques are constantly tested and improved to assure the safest, most effective way of processing food due to the changes in variety of foods, soil conditions and bacteria living in soil and water.  The food you grow today may be very different from the food your grandmother grew.  Tomatoes are a good example.  Your tomatoes may be less acidic than those in your grandmother’s garden, which makes a difference in how they are canned.

Question: How can I determine how much food to preserve for my family:

Burney: Preserve enough for your family for about a year.  It may be tempting to can all those green beans you grow.  However, the longer they are stored, the more quality they will lose.  There may also be changes in texture, changes in color and loss of flavor.  Call the Extension office for information on yields for canned or frozen fruits and vegetables.

Burney’s bottom line is that even if you have never tried home canning, you can be successful with proper equipment and proper instructions, and the best source for those instructions is your local extension office.  You may reach your local Extension Office at 423-949-2611 or visit our website at http://sequatchie.tennessee.edu or like us on Facebook www.facebook.com/UTExtension.Sequatchie. 

“No matter what reason you have for preserving food at home, do it safely,” she advises.  “Successful home canning requires only that you observe simple guidelines.”

UT Extension provides a gateway to the University of Tennessee as the outreach unit of the Institute of Agriculture.  With an office in every Tennessee county, UT Extension delivers educational programs and research-based information to citizens throughout the state.  In cooperation with Tennessee State University, UT Extension works with farmers, families, youth and communities to improve lives by addressing problems and issues at the local, state and national levels.

Top Ten Reasons for your child to attend Summer Camp

Written by: Aneta Eichler, Extension Agent

 

            One of my fondest memories of childhood is packing my bags and boarding a great big yellow school bus with my twin sister.  We were off to 4-H camp!  I’m sure my mom was probably more excited than we were…a week with no kids in the house! J  I can still remember the excitement that coursed through my veins as I met new friends, swam every day, visited the craft house where I learned about leather crafting, participated in talent night and enjoyed the all night movie under the big pavilion.  I also remember the disappointment when I learned that I still had to do chores! YUK!  I had to make my bed, clean the cabin and serve in cafeteria duty.  However, completing these tasks with friends made it almost fun.  I would not trade my memories of 4-H camp for anything in the world (They have served me for well over 40 years…now that’s impact!).

            I still get to enjoy 4-H camp every summer and it is still one of my favorite job assignments!  I want to encourage you to consider sending your child or grandchild to camp with me this summer.  I have compiled the top ten reasons I think every child should have the opportunity to enjoy summer camp.

            10. Camp encourages healthy lifestyles and physical activity.  Many of our children are struggling with obesity and sedentary lifestyles due to video games, television and computers.  At camp they have the freedom to smell the fresh air, observe the stars under a moonlit sky, learn about native wildlife, canoe in the lake, play a sport or take a hike.  All this physical activity leads to happier, healthier youth.

            9.  Camp allows our youth to unplug.  Children leave their cell phones, ipods and other electronic devices at home for the week.  This gives children the opportunity to discover their creative side.  They are actually called upon to engage in the real world of trees, soil, water and wildlife.  Our children often suffer from “Nature Deficit Disorder”.  Camp can definitely remedy this situation.

            8.  Camp is a great place to learn new skills.  Children have the opportunity to learn new crafts, new games and new sports.  They might shoot a rifle for the first time or learn how to use a bow and arrow in archery.  They may develop their swimming skills or learn to play the most crazed game…ga ga ball!!  Learning a new skill can help bolster a young person’s confidence which will carry into other areas of their life.

            7.  Children learn to develop resiliency at camp.  The children are given an opportunity to meet new challenges face to face.  It might be as simple as learning a new skill or learning how to get along with others.  Each time the children are successful in conquering a challenge, they develop resiliency for the next challenge that comes along in their life. They can think back and remember another time they were challenged and overcame it.  This gives them courage to continue trying new things.

            6.  Camp builds independent children.  Camp gives children a safe environment in which to begin practicing independence.  They will be expected to make decisions for themselves, manage their daily choices, learn how to ask for help and how to resolve conflict without a parents input.  Children who become competent in self-managing their lives will also become better problem solvers.

            5. Campers have ample opportunities to develop social skills. When children share responsibilities within a cabin they must learn to cooperate well together.  There are chores to be completed which might lead to practice in resolving disagreements and most definitely requires healthy communications to get the job done effectively.  Each camper is expected to demonstrate respect for the others in their cabin, their leaders and the camp grounds.

            4. Camp is a fabulous place to belong.  Through silly songs and funny chants the children develop a strong sense of belonging to a larger group.  They share in similar memories that only that group of group of children will experience.  Usually the children can experience life without the labels often attached to them in schools.  They aren’t dyslexic or attention deficit, they are just kids having a really good time!

            3.  Campers can develop a powerful identity.  The camp staff and teen leaders work with each child personally to help them find something they are really good at.  Camp offers a wide range of activities that can encompass the abilities and interests of most children.  Children need to feel the confidence of self-worth.

            2.  Camp allows children to make new friends.  They will have the opportunity to meet other campers from several different Tennessee counties.  This allows them to learn of other 4-H programs and become knowledgeable of cultural diversity they may not otherwise experience.   Many of these campers will go on to see each other at various 4-H events throughout their career.  It’s always fun to recognize someone else when you are away from home.

            1.  It’s just plain FUN!!

For more information about our local camp dates and fees please contact the UT Extension office at 423-949-2611, email me at adodd2@utk.edu or visit 4-H Camp:

Jr. Camp                                  Jr. High Camp                         Electric Camp

Line & Design Camp               Academic Conference            Target S.M.A.R.T. camp

Behind the Scenes Camp        Quilt Workshop                       Hand-crafted Workshop

Fighting Fair

When fighting, we portray one of three different personality traits.  Some of us fight with aggression.  We are yellers, stompers, slammers and all out fit throwers. (You know who you are.)  Others fight by being passive.  We retreat into our shell like a wounded turtle.  We might not speak for days and withhold affection or acknowledgment to the one that has angered us. (Be honest and admit it.)  There is a better way to resolve conflict, Assertiveness.  When we use one simple communication tool, our conflicts can become areas of healthy discussions and problem solving sessions instead of battle fields where everyone loses.

An I message is a simple three-part statement that informs others (a) how you feel, (b) what event or what action bothers you, and (c) what you would like to have happen differently.  The first benefit of an I message is its ability to neutralize an argument. An I message does not blame the other person and does not sound judgmental.  For example: Instead of saying, “you make me so angry,” you might say, “I feel angry when…”.  You messages usually make the listener feel attacked and angry.  The response is likely to be negative and lead to an argument.  On the other hand, a simple I statement may result in a more helpful, cooperative response for solving the problem.

I messages also give the passive and/or the aggressive personality trait a healthy voice on which to be heard. The second part of the I message allows the sender to calmly voice what situation is making them uncomfortable.  For example: You might be angry when your spouse is habitually late to dinner.  You might say, “I feel disrespected when I prepare a meal for our family and you arrive home late.”  This allows the receiver to actually hear the problem being stated without engaging in a shouting match or experiencing the silent treatment. 

The third part of the I message opens up the door for healthy problem solving.  Once the feelings and the cause have been identified, the sender may now make a recommendation for what would make the situation better.  For example: You might say, “I would appreciate you calling home by 4:00 when you know you are going to be late.” This suggestion allows the receiver to respond with agreement or to make other suggestions that might work for both parties.

It takes some time for I messages to feel natural in conversation.  Think about what you want to say before you deliver the message.  Use the formula for an I message to help you express what you want to say. You might even want to write your message down to make sure it says what you feel and what you want without accusing the other person.  Remember the formula:

I feel (insert feeling word or phrase) when (say what happens that makes you feel that way).  I would like (tell what you would like to have happen in the future).

If you would like more information on healthy communication skills, contact the Extension office at 423-949-2611 or visit our website  or like us on Facebook.