Groovy Grandmas and Gregarious Grandpas

Part II

Do you know what to call a groovy grandma that goes BANANAS over her grandkids? A Banana Nana of course!! Can anyone relate with that definition?  I know I can.  When that first grandchild is born we turn into a whole new creature complete with a new name.  We may be called grandma, granny, gigi, papa, pops or a myriad of other names, but rest assured our lives are forever changed. 

There is no denying that a special bond takes place between grandparents and their grandchildren.  There is a mutual love and respect that is not easily broken.  This bond sets grandparents up to be great leaders and influencers for their grandchildren.  Today I want to challenge you to consider using your influence in six ways that can strengthen the entire family.

Mentor your grandchildren to become little entrepreneurs.  Ideas might include selling vegetables at a Farmer’s Market; pet sitting for the neighbors, lawn care or organizing a family yard sale.  It’s a great way to spend time with your grandchildren while allowing parents a little kid-free time. Helping children develop their own business also teaches them about work, money and how to get along with the public. 

Teach your grandchildren about finances.  According to Nathan Dungan, only about 10 percent of American parents make a formal effort to teach their kids about managing money and personal finance.  Grandparents can help fill that void by taking the time to teach their grandchildren the concept of “Share, Save, Spend”.  Grandparents can be a voice of experience and reason on a wide range of financial matters such as understanding banking basics and how to save for major purchases. Allow Extension to assist you with this task.  We offer a free financial literacy course on line for our rising young adults. Visit loveyourmoney.org to sign up today.

Grandparents can be the coolest dorm in town (or at least the cheapest).  If you have a college in your area offer your grandchildren free room and board at your place if they want to attend the local school.  According to the College Board, the average cost of room and board at a public university is now nearly $30,000 for a four year degree.  Allowing grandchildren to board at Nana’s house will make a significant impact on their educational expenses.  This could be a win-win situation if your grandchild is willing to assist with chores or repairs around the house as well.

Donate a set of wheels or other treasures to the cause.  My grandparents surprised me by donating their old 69 Chevy Impala to me during my senior year of high school.  It was an ugly gold color and the size of Sherman’s tank, but I grew to love that car.  Thirty years later, I still reminisce about that car and all the fond memories it held.  Don’t assume that your would-be throwaways – from furniture and clothing to cars and housewares – won’t be appreciated by your grandkids.  Hand-me-downs will save them money when they’re starting lives of their own and need it most.

Make your checks count.  I know we all want to provide the very best for our grandchildren and we find joy in writing that check for a birthday, Christmas or other special accomplishments.  However, look for opportunities to teach something along the way.  For example, you might be willing to match funds to buy their first car or to go on that class trip.  This teaches them about accepting responsibility for their own wants and allows them to experience the struggles and joys of saving up for something major.

A special warning to new grandparents: Be sure what you plan to do with the first grandchild can be repeated with multiple grandchildren down the line.  This can cause resentment from your own children who have kids later in life.  Remember that whatever you do for your first grandchild will set a precedent that you’ll need to repeat for every other grandchild.

For more information on Grandparenting contact the Extension office at 423-949-2611 or visit our website at http://sequatchie.tennessee.edu or like us on Facebook www.facebook.com/UTExtension.Sequatchie. 

 

Simple Steps to a Better Lawn

By Sheldon D. Barker
Source: Tennessee Yardstick Workbook 

Mowing height:

Most of us cut our grass to short, particularly in the hot dry part of the summer. The higher the turf cutting height, the more extensive the root system. Deep root systems help to hold soil in place, prevent erosion and need less watering.

Cool Season Turfgrasses Mowing Height

•    Tall Fescue 2.0-3.5 inches
•    KY Bluegrass 1.5 – 2.5 inches
•    Fine Fescue 1.5 – 2.5 inches

Warm Season Turfgrasses

•    Bermuda grass .75 – 2.5 inches
•    Zoysia .75 – 2.0 inches
•    Centipedegrass 1.0 – 2.0 inches

Mowing frequency & timing:

To reduce the amount of stress on your lawn, mow less during times of drought. Avoid mowing in the heat of the day to protect air quality.

Check and Treat for pests:

Have you had small brown spots in your yard that quickly spread out a couple of feet? Maybe you have dandelions, or other weeds in your yard. Whatever, the problem proper identification of the pest is important. If you need help with identification, contact the UT Extension office

Fertilizing:

The first step is a soil test. Find out what nutrients you need to add and how much. Grass clippings are high in nitrogen. By leaving grass clippings on your lawn, you can fertilize one less time per year!

Shaded areas:

Neither cool nor warm season grasses do well in shaded areas. Consider alternative covers like a simple mulched shade garden.

Groovy Grandmas and Gregarious Grandpas

Part 1

Written by: Aneta Eichler

 

“Every time a child is born, a grandparent is born too”

 

                On January 17, 2014 I achieved the most esteemed position in all the land….I became a grandma!  Grandparenting can be a very rewarding experience.  However, I must warn you that becoming a grandparent makes one a new person.  When you become a grandparent your identity, roles and relationships will change.  Your relationship with your child will make dramatic changes as he/she begins their new role as parent and you begin the role of support staff.  So how can we be a groovy grandma or gregarious grandpa and still honor our relationship with the parents?

            First, you must realize that parents are the fulcrums of grandparent’s relationship with grandchildren.  It is imperative to build a strong relationship with the parents, especially the son/daughter-in-law.  Grandparents should respect the right of new parents to make their own mistakes without being too critical or judgmental.   Make a conscientious effort to being kind, understanding, compassionate, non-judgmental, supportive, loving and caring.   

            Second, demonstrating good communication skills can be the strength of your new found role.  As the patriarch of the family you have the opportunity to offer leadership concerning the family as a “team” and setting a positive example.  Holding regular family meetings gives you the opportunity to assess family members’ needs, offer support where requested and help them develop coping skills. Be sure to respect their requests on issues pertaining to the grandchildren (o.k. a little spoiling might be necessary for their survival, but in all things important, be sure to respect the parent’s wishes).

            Third, as a grandparent, you will want to realign your priorities and obligations.  Enjoying those grandchildren will require a time commitment that may have previously been spent on hobbies, work or community involvement.  However, your child will be thankful for an occasional break and you will be blessed by spending time with those precious grandchildren.  Be sure to communicate your availability to the parents and ask them to respect your time as well. 

            Fourth, remember that your children are still your children.  They still need you as their parent.  I recommend spending individual time with your child, without the grandchild.  Talk to them about their work, their hobbies and interests.  Let them know you still care for them.  Being a parent can become overwhelming at times.  Try to put yourself in their shoes to understand their experiences. Use this alone time as an opportunity to encourage them and give them loving guidance (when requested).     

            In this article we have looked at some tips for building a strong relationship between parents and grandparents.  In part 2 we will look at building strong relationships with your grandchildren.  For more information on grandparenting contact the Extension office at 423-949-2611 or visit our website at http://sequatchie.tennessee.edu or like us on Facebook www.facebook.com/UTExtension.Sequatchie. 

           

Cold Weather and Insects

Did the cold weather have an impact on insect pest?

By: Sheldon D. Barker, County Director

We saw some extremely cold weather in the first three months of 2014. Thus the question, “Did the cold weather have an impact on insect pests?” Well, the answer, that depends.

Many insects have survival methods for extreme cold.  While the cold may have affected some pest, others may have survived. Scott Stewart, IPM Extension Specialist with UT Extension and other Extension Entomologist have written on this and they conclude, “It depends on the bug.”

While the Sequatchie Valley and surrounding mountains saw temperatures below zero, many insects can survive much colder temperatures. Many insects overwinter by hiding from the cold. For example, Japanese beetles overwinter as larvae in the soil. They simply burrow deeper to avoid the cold.

Fire Ants require persistent cold temperatures to be affected. According to Karen Vail, Extension Urban Entomologist at the University of Tennessee, we have not experienced the continuous cold temperatures needed to cause widespread death of fire ant colonies. Fire ants have massive mounds, and to be impacted by the cold the ground has to freeze as deep as their nest.

What about mosquitoes? Well, Alaska is known for its mosquitoes, which says a lot for this hardy pest.

We also have several invasive pest that can cause problems besides fire ants. The brown marmorated stink bug, an invasive pest from Asia, now well established in the Knoxville and Nashville area, is well established in Pennsylvania, Virginia, Delaware and other surrounding states. It is also moving north from these states, thus the brown marmorated stink bug seems to do well in the cold. According to Dr. Stewart hot summers may negatively affect the spread of this pest in the South.

The Hemlock Woolly Adelgid, a forest pest that is of serious concern in Eastern Tennessee, effects the Eastern Hemlock. “The lethal temperature for the woolly adelgid is minus 4 or 5 degrees Fahrenheit,” said Richard S. Cowles, a scientist with the Connecticut Agricultural Experiment Station. Temperatures in parts of the area did fall below this level, however we will just have to wait and see.

For the most part many of the common pest we see around our homes and gardens will be around this summer, so be ready!

Top Ten Reasons for your child to attend Summer Camp

Written by: Aneta Eichler, Extension Agent

 

            One of my fondest memories of childhood is packing my bags and boarding a great big yellow school bus with my twin sister.  We were off to 4-H camp!  I’m sure my mom was probably more excited than we were…a week with no kids in the house! J  I can still remember the excitement that coursed through my veins as I met new friends, swam every day, visited the craft house where I learned about leather crafting, participated in talent night and enjoyed the all night movie under the big pavilion.  I also remember the disappointment when I learned that I still had to do chores! YUK!  I had to make my bed, clean the cabin and serve in cafeteria duty.  However, completing these tasks with friends made it almost fun.  I would not trade my memories of 4-H camp for anything in the world (They have served me for well over 40 years…now that’s impact!).

            I still get to enjoy 4-H camp every summer and it is still one of my favorite job assignments!  I want to encourage you to consider sending your child or grandchild to camp with me this summer.  I have compiled the top ten reasons I think every child should have the opportunity to enjoy summer camp.

            10. Camp encourages healthy lifestyles and physical activity.  Many of our children are struggling with obesity and sedentary lifestyles due to video games, television and computers.  At camp they have the freedom to smell the fresh air, observe the stars under a moonlit sky, learn about native wildlife, canoe in the lake, play a sport or take a hike.  All this physical activity leads to happier, healthier youth.

            9.  Camp allows our youth to unplug.  Children leave their cell phones, ipods and other electronic devices at home for the week.  This gives children the opportunity to discover their creative side.  They are actually called upon to engage in the real world of trees, soil, water and wildlife.  Our children often suffer from “Nature Deficit Disorder”.  Camp can definitely remedy this situation.

            8.  Camp is a great place to learn new skills.  Children have the opportunity to learn new crafts, new games and new sports.  They might shoot a rifle for the first time or learn how to use a bow and arrow in archery.  They may develop their swimming skills or learn to play the most crazed game…ga ga ball!!  Learning a new skill can help bolster a young person’s confidence which will carry into other areas of their life.

            7.  Children learn to develop resiliency at camp.  The children are given an opportunity to meet new challenges face to face.  It might be as simple as learning a new skill or learning how to get along with others.  Each time the children are successful in conquering a challenge, they develop resiliency for the next challenge that comes along in their life. They can think back and remember another time they were challenged and overcame it.  This gives them courage to continue trying new things.

            6.  Camp builds independent children.  Camp gives children a safe environment in which to begin practicing independence.  They will be expected to make decisions for themselves, manage their daily choices, learn how to ask for help and how to resolve conflict without a parents input.  Children who become competent in self-managing their lives will also become better problem solvers.

            5. Campers have ample opportunities to develop social skills. When children share responsibilities within a cabin they must learn to cooperate well together.  There are chores to be completed which might lead to practice in resolving disagreements and most definitely requires healthy communications to get the job done effectively.  Each camper is expected to demonstrate respect for the others in their cabin, their leaders and the camp grounds.

            4. Camp is a fabulous place to belong.  Through silly songs and funny chants the children develop a strong sense of belonging to a larger group.  They share in similar memories that only that group of group of children will experience.  Usually the children can experience life without the labels often attached to them in schools.  They aren’t dyslexic or attention deficit, they are just kids having a really good time!

            3.  Campers can develop a powerful identity.  The camp staff and teen leaders work with each child personally to help them find something they are really good at.  Camp offers a wide range of activities that can encompass the abilities and interests of most children.  Children need to feel the confidence of self-worth.

            2.  Camp allows children to make new friends.  They will have the opportunity to meet other campers from several different Tennessee counties.  This allows them to learn of other 4-H programs and become knowledgeable of cultural diversity they may not otherwise experience.   Many of these campers will go on to see each other at various 4-H events throughout their career.  It’s always fun to recognize someone else when you are away from home.

            1.  It’s just plain FUN!!

For more information about our local camp dates and fees please contact the UT Extension office at 423-949-2611, email me at adodd2@utk.edu or visit 4-H Camp:

Jr. Camp                                  Jr. High Camp                         Electric Camp

Line & Design Camp               Academic Conference            Target S.M.A.R.T. camp

Behind the Scenes Camp        Quilt Workshop                       Hand-crafted Workshop

Fighting Fair

When fighting, we portray one of three different personality traits.  Some of us fight with aggression.  We are yellers, stompers, slammers and all out fit throwers. (You know who you are.)  Others fight by being passive.  We retreat into our shell like a wounded turtle.  We might not speak for days and withhold affection or acknowledgment to the one that has angered us. (Be honest and admit it.)  There is a better way to resolve conflict, Assertiveness.  When we use one simple communication tool, our conflicts can become areas of healthy discussions and problem solving sessions instead of battle fields where everyone loses.

An I message is a simple three-part statement that informs others (a) how you feel, (b) what event or what action bothers you, and (c) what you would like to have happen differently.  The first benefit of an I message is its ability to neutralize an argument. An I message does not blame the other person and does not sound judgmental.  For example: Instead of saying, “you make me so angry,” you might say, “I feel angry when…”.  You messages usually make the listener feel attacked and angry.  The response is likely to be negative and lead to an argument.  On the other hand, a simple I statement may result in a more helpful, cooperative response for solving the problem.

I messages also give the passive and/or the aggressive personality trait a healthy voice on which to be heard. The second part of the I message allows the sender to calmly voice what situation is making them uncomfortable.  For example: You might be angry when your spouse is habitually late to dinner.  You might say, “I feel disrespected when I prepare a meal for our family and you arrive home late.”  This allows the receiver to actually hear the problem being stated without engaging in a shouting match or experiencing the silent treatment. 

The third part of the I message opens up the door for healthy problem solving.  Once the feelings and the cause have been identified, the sender may now make a recommendation for what would make the situation better.  For example: You might say, “I would appreciate you calling home by 4:00 when you know you are going to be late.” This suggestion allows the receiver to respond with agreement or to make other suggestions that might work for both parties.

It takes some time for I messages to feel natural in conversation.  Think about what you want to say before you deliver the message.  Use the formula for an I message to help you express what you want to say. You might even want to write your message down to make sure it says what you feel and what you want without accusing the other person.  Remember the formula:

I feel (insert feeling word or phrase) when (say what happens that makes you feel that way).  I would like (tell what you would like to have happen in the future).

If you would like more information on healthy communication skills, contact the Extension office at 423-949-2611 or visit our website  or like us on Facebook.   

 

Are You Listening?

Are You Listening?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=airT-m9LcoY

Many of you may remember the Abbot and Costello routine “Who’s On First”.  How many of you have ever felt that your conversations fell into this comedic routine?  This is a fine example of how we often miscommunicate with one another.  We send from 300 to 1000 messages each day.  Is it any wonder that sometimes things get mixed up along the way?  With every message there is a sender and receiver.  Both the sender and receiver can develop skills that make communication effective and reduce conflict and misunderstanding.  

 Active listening is the responsibility of the receiver.  This is a tool to make sure that the receiver understands what the sender is saying.  In order to be an active listener one must listen to the words being said, watch the body language of the sender, hear the tone of voice used, and interpret what was said based on all of those clues.  Once the receiver has interpreted this information, it is their job to reflect back to the sender what they understood to be the message.  (Didn’t know listening was such hard work did you?) Here are some tips to make your job more successful:

·         Give your full attention to the person speaking.  Get rid of distractions (cell phone, radio, tv).

·         Focus on the speaker’s message by listening for the main idea.  Try to get the point of what someone is saying rather than remembering every word.

·         Show your interest.  Lean toward the speaker.  Give the speaker eye contact.  Nod at or encourage the speaker to continue. (Body language makes up over 80% of our communication)

·         Remember what the speaker has said.  Repeat what you understood the speaker to say.  They can validate or correct your understanding.

·         DO NOT INTERUPT THE SPEAKER.  Our family uses a talking stick to serve as a visual tool to remind us to listen completely to the one speaking.

The rewards of being a good listener are sometimes reaped instantly in a closer relationship with your spouse, child, family member, friend or co-worker.  Other times the rewards may be reaped years later.  Just remember that the practice of communication skills is not always easy.  You may find you make some mistakes along the way.  Remember to keep the overall goal of being a good listener in mind and keep practicing.  I can make a difference in how you feel about yourself and the recipient will certainly be healthier because you listened to them.

If you would like more information on healthy communication skills, contact the Extension office at 423-949-2611 or visit our website or like our Facebook page. 

References:

University of Tennessee Extension and Tennessee State Cooperative Extension Service - Family      

         and Consumer Sciences (2013).  Parenting Apart: Effective Co-Parenting.

Fulleylove-Krause, Faden and Hagen-Jokela, Rebecca (1995). Positive Parenting: Listening is a Love 

         in Action.